Since Maddison’s birth on September 15th 2016
Maddison has pushed me to limits I didn’t even know I had, and then some. But I have grown so much as a mother, as a friend, and as a person. This year has been by far the hardest year of my life, but I wasn’t going to let it go to waste.
There is no doubt that the trials in life are there to help us grow. We can either let it beat us down, or stand and fight. When I was faced with the challenges that Maddison brought with her, I knew this fight had to be for the greater good and I was going to grow.
What I’ve learned
1. Life is hard
Nobody ever said life was going to be easy, but nobody ever said it would be this hard either. I realized at the very beginning that almost everyone’s life is hard. I thought it was hard having one baby, then I got pregnant again, and that was hard too. Then we were in the NICU, and moving, and… and… Things kept piling up, and it was all hard. But I won’t compare my “hard life” to someone else’s, whether I think their life is easier than mine, or harder. I wouldn’t want someone who seems to have a harder life than me to judge me. So I refuse to judge those whose life appears easier than me, everyone is fighting a very hard battle.
2. Attitude is EVERYTHING
I choose to be a very positive person. I look for the silver lining in every single situation we are in, and I make the choice to be joyful. What you water will grow, so if you water negative thoughts they will grow and overwhelm you. But if you water the positive thoughts they will also grow and overwhelm you. I choose to surround myself with as much positivity as I can in spite of everything that’s going on around me.
4. When you need a break, say so!
I am always surprised at how well I seem to manage everything, but sometimes I do feel the weight. When Mom isn’t happy, no one is happy. I get moody, snappy, and very impatient. This is not like me at all, so when I feel it creeping in I try my best to take a break before it festers for too long. That’s when I make sure I do something for me to break me from a downward spiral. It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s not okay to stay that way.
5. Do what keeps you sane
I struggle when I have an unorganized house, and tend to have too many things on my to-do list I want to check off each day. My mind works better when things are clean and organized. So sometimes what I need to do is ask my husband to watch the kids while I power through cleaning the kitchen, or folding the laundry. But when I would rather have a nap and leave the mess for when I’m rested I do that too. It’s different each day, but I do what I need to do in that day to keep myself balanced and sane.
6. Each day will be a battle
The enemy’s only goal is to come steal, kill, and destroy. Every morning I know that I will be attacked, but I won’t let myself be knocked down. The enemy wants to use Maddison to break me, but I come to the battle prepared. Each morning I get alone with God and I put on the full armour of God and I tell the enemy, “You can’t touch me”. I firmly believe that God gives me the strength to battle each day, and gives me the rest I also need.
7. God is always at work
Everything God does is good, and He uses every hard time and trial to grow my faith. I will not let the struggles we face in our life to go to waste. I open my heart up to God. He is still working on me, and I want Him to use all my circumstances to make me a better person.
365 days since I first laid eyes on the sweet little girl who would change my life in many more ways than I ever thought possible. I am so thankful for every moment I have had with her and I cherish her so much. I’m excited for many more days and years with a lifetime of learning and growing.